How to Be a Good Submissive
In the world of kink, submissive play is one of the most popular and accessible sexual subcategories that a person can explore. The nice thing about engaging in the dom/sub dynamic is that there is already existing culture around both categories of behavior. This doesn't mean there isn’t lots of room for your own personality to play a part in your behavior and decision making. However, you're also not starting from scratch.
If you're wondering how to be a good submissive, this article will show you the ropes. Let's get into it.
What Is the Core Part of Being a Submissive?
To begin with, it's important to understand that there is no specific behavior that is associated with being a submissive except for the act of submitting. Sometimes this is submission to a very dramatic extent. Other times, it is softer. There is, in fact, a sub-classification specifically called soft dom or soft submissive.
In these scenarios, the power dynamic of the relationship is still the same, but it's just carried out in a more reserved way. Some dom/submissive dynamics are so gently defined that an onlooker could watch whatever there is to see and never know that they were witnessing a kink play out. The strictest definition is simply that the submissive places their trust and their pleasure in the hands of someone else. That person is the dom.
Limitations of this submission need to be defined before any sexual contact has taken place and mutually agreed upon. Aspects of being submissive would feel disrespectful or degrading in a typical context, but are right at home in the predefined limitations of a BDSM-friendly relationship. The key is not exactly to eliminate certain behaviors. The standard is safe, sane, and consensual.
As long as your behavior stays within your comfort level and meets those basic safety criteria, it's okay. And in fact, better than okay - it's enjoyable.
How to Find a Suitable Dom
In the age of the Internet, it is easier than ever to find someone who is willing to participate enthusiastically in a dom/submissive relationship dynamic. It's important to understand that being a submissive is not exactly a sexual orientation. Which is to say that it's sometimes more fluid or flexible than other areas of sexual behavior.
A person might be interested in dom or sub behavior one day, and more in the mood for vanilla sex the next. Or by contrast, they might prefer switching roles within the dynamic on a day-to-day basis. Other people are more consistent. When you find a partner, it's important to understand where they are coming from, what their experience level is, what their interests are, and in short, how they want this experience to carry out.
Boundaries need to be well defined and strictly upheld. That's where the culture of BDSM can be very helpful. If you're going to do this the right way, you should really read materials and research the expected behavior. There is a well-defined language and culture developed around these behaviors. And if you're looking for a partner who is truly interested in exploring a BDSM relationship dynamic, you want to make sure you're able to speak the same language as them.
Remember that even though some aspects of the dom/sub relationship can feel extreme, they are always executed with safety, respect, and consent in mind. While those boundaries are easier to recognize in most sexual arrangements, they become slightly blurred in a dynamic where it might not be unusual for one person to spit in the face of the other, for example. You need to establish clearly what you are comfortable with, what the other person is comfortable with, and how you want the proceedings to go.
How to Be a Good Submissive
That brings us to the primary focus: how to do this well. The thing is, one person's definition of a good submissive is different than another's. Are you interested in bondage? You don't have to be, but it's probably something you should work on figuring out.
The key is not to try to make yourself one specific thing. It's to understand who you are, what you want, and how you're willing to have that play out. That's how you become a good submissive: by understanding your role in the dynamic and executing it effectively with another person.
If this sounds like we're talking about some boring middle management project at work, that's because some of the same considerations do apply. You're developing systems - not in an SOP format, but within a relationship.
Learn What Kind of Submissive You Are
It's exciting figuring out where you are in the kink spectrum. The problem is, you're going to enter the world of BDSM as a baby submissive, unsure what you like, what's expected of you, or how things go. Exploring the early stages of kink with a partner can be nerve-racking. In a very practical way, it can also put you on the wrong side of a lopsided power dynamic - and not in the pleasant dom/submissive way, but in the way that you're relying on another person for knowledge you're better off discovering on your own.
At HeraHaven AI, we provide an alternative. You can explore your sexuality in a safe setting with a virtual partner who will help you uncover your likes and dislikes in a pleasant format.
