How Do You Know When You Love Someone?

How do you know when you love someone? That’s the question asked by every rom-com of the last—well. However many years rom-coms have been around. Love is one of the most intense emotions that humans are capable of experiencing. Yet so often it mingles, sometimes almost indescribably with other powerful feelings. 

Lust. Infatuation. Even friendship.

What qualities separate imitation from the real thing? In other words, how do you know when you love someone?? In this article, we try to answer that question by examining what qualities contribute to the feeling of love.

They Occupy A Significant Portion of Your Thoughts

Are you thinking about them around the clock? That's an early indication that love is in the cards. However, it is also a possible indication of infatuation. Strong feelings based not exactly on who a person is, but on who you imagine them to be. Infatuation is a crush gone a little too far. Love is the secret sauce of all great relationships. Psychological research identifies this key distinction between healthy attachment and obsessive thinking patterns.

How can you tell the difference? Here's a litmus test of sorts: When you think about this person are you doing it honestly, or based on fantasy scenarios? To think about a person you love is to remember meaningful conversations that you've had with them. To think about someone you are infatuated with is to fantasize about them leaving their boyfriend and driving straight to your apartment for six hours of tantric sex. See the difference?

You can, of course, love someone who has not reciprocated your feelings. However, if the feelings aren't based on real encounters and mutual chemistry they probably aren't sustainable. Certainly, they aren't doing you much good. 

Your Happiest With Them

Let's say the feelings are rooted in a legitimate foundation. How do you know it is love? A simple indication is that you are happier with them than you are without them. That doesn't mean every day will be senseless bliss. It does mean that you've found someone worth riding the emotional rollercoaster that any relationship can be with. Relationship satisfaction studies show that couples who maintain realistic expectations about ups and downs report greater long-term happiness.

It's that attitude that contributes the most to successful relationships. You commit not under the assumption that there will be no hard times but that this person is worth suffering through them for.

No Objective Standard

It's important to keep in mind that love is not an objective or standardized experience. At a certain point, it may even involve making a leap of faith. I really like this person a lot. I think about them often. They make me happy. Am I in love? If you can build a life with this person, the answer is "yes."

Remember that passion is not the most important component of the equation. If you're burning with hot desire for your partner around the clock ten years in, you might have an infection, or maybe a hormonal imbalance. Research shows that the intense infatuation phase typically lasts 6-18 months before evolving into a more sustainable form of attachment.

This is a person you'll have romantic dinners with. Good sex. Long talks. It's also a person that you'll make budgets with. Fight with over small things that don't really matter to either one of you. It's someone you'll see poop. True partnerships need to have enough room to contain all of these experiences. Studies indicate that couples who maintain realistic expectations about relationship ups and downs report greater long-term satisfaction.

If a successful relationship is what you want, part of the process is just saying, "Ok. I'm all in." In 2025, that doesn't necessarily mean marriage. It does mean accepting this person, and your relationship with them as a core component of your life. Relationship experts note that this psychological commitment is often more important than legal formalities.

Really, that's the purpose of marriage in the first place. All of that ceremony and pageantry is as symbolic as it is expensive. You're not just paying for the most expensive party of your life. You are making a commitment witnessed by your community. A public promise to venture forth through the rest of your life with this person by your side. Research indicates that relationships with strong social support networks tend to last longer.

You don't need to make that promise the old-fashioned way. You do need to feel it and live it. That's love, in a nutshell. Modern commitment ceremonies of all kinds provide the same psychological benefits as traditional marriages when they authentically represent the couple's intentions.

Does Sex Play a Role?

It does! Studies actually show pretty consistently that sex is best when you and your partner share a deep emotional bond. However, the quality of your sexual encounters with a specific partner doesn't necessarily say much about their long-term relationship potential. You might just find them very attractive. Or maybe they happen to be uniquely skilled in bed. Both qualities are really awesome to have but they don't really have anything to do with love.

You can certainly consider sexual compatibility when assessing your relationship but don't overlook the importance of other factors as well..

There are other ways to experience sexual satisfaction in a committed relationship. If you find yourself desiring variety, consider using a virtual AI girlfriend/boyfriend. 

You can design these digital partners yourself. Choose their personality. Develop their interests. Select every detail of their appearance. Then have filthy conversations with them that culminate in extremely explicit photos. 

HeraHaven AI allows you to customize every component of your digital partner.